|
|
| rjisinspired |
| Posted: Apr 6 2010, 10:18 PM |
 |
|
Advanced Member
Group: Members
Posts: 1256
Member No.: 20008
Joined: 12-October 06
|
I know this is not the People's Court and if this is removed I'll understand.
What would one do if one had a girlfriend who had a past ex-boyfriend who was, still is, bonkers and in turn got a restraining order against said ex-boyfriend who in turn would get even more heated up while the current boyfriend is asked to be a witness when first off witnesses aren't required by the current state in which current boyfriend is living in so there shouldn't be any compelling to show up at a hearing which should be where the opposing party doesn't have to meet the claimant and secondly if said current boyfriend cannot psychologically go to a public hearing to be in the same place as said ex-boyfriend because of the chances of repercussions and for current boyfriend's psychological health, panic attacks.
This current boyfriend may lose his current girlfriend out of the lack of support, or selfishness, but then again current boyfriend could be in trouble and also not do well in a hearing at all because of current boyfriend's state of mind and safety for his friends, family and himself.
This person, current ex-boyfriend, is now scared going outside his own place because this said ex-boyfriend gets intel fed to him by said girlfriend's so-called friends and he along with his friends are always there, instigating.
The ex-boyfriend has a bad past, and present, in which I cannot say even onto this forum though it is a serious matter. Even after all this ex-boyfriend has done, the police can't seem to grab him up. The current boyfriend fears for girlfriend and yet has only two real options.
1. Face the chance of losing it at the hearing by having panic attacks, maybe anger, and having repercussions put onto him by ex-boyfriend and his buddies or...
2. Stay away and possibly lose said girlfriend but feel maybe a little safer.
It is going to take time for this current boyfriend to get over his own newly found problems as well as his old problems. These ex-boyfriend problems have been a problem for actually a long time but things have ramped up and once ex-boyfriend finds out about the restraining order this might set ex-boyfriend off the deep end. The girlfriend should had taken care of the problems a long time ago but didn't.
ok. Is this current boyfriend selfish or is he doing the right thing? |
|
| rjisinspired |
| Posted: Apr 7 2010, 12:16 AM |
|
|
Advanced Member
Group: Members
Posts: 1256
Member No.: 20008
Joined: 12-October 06
|
Well, I think I have the answer and one that the current boyfriend will have to live with.
Option number 2. I figure that there could had been other witnesses if any were called, given the current boyfriend's conditions, but then again this shouldn't had been necessary, and that the boyfriend might now be seen as selfish but so would the girlfriend by not acknowledging her current boyfriend's state of mind and well being.
She should had taken care of the problem eons ago and the boyfriend will have to risk losing her and possibly have a label as "nonsupportive" while keeping his arms, legs and body intact. Risking other people's safety including his own would not be a worth while cause since when the ex-boyfriend gets served with the order he will probably go on the rampage. I can only assume this from what the current boyfriend has researched and witnessed from the whole experience.
The girlfriend had, and maybe still has, attachment issues with ex's, not just the one being said, but others as well and by overcompensating to be too nice to even being kind of close to them in the past like she has to owe somebody something or apologize for something has caused a lot of grief to her and her current boyfriend so it was practically her own doing so as logic would settle it: It is her responsibility to fix the problem and not get others involved.
Am I right? |
|
| Oxyandy |
| Posted: Apr 7 2010, 12:28 AM |
|
|
Advanced Member
Group: Members
Posts: 106
Member No.: 27131
Joined: 2-March 10
|
restraining orders do not stop 'nutters' from being crazy..
in fact they do often make them worse..
In these cases it is better to give up mutual friends,
current jobs etc and move to a different place
that way it is all behind both of you |
|
| rjisinspired |
| Posted: Apr 7 2010, 01:23 AM |
|
|
Advanced Member
Group: Members
Posts: 1256
Member No.: 20008
Joined: 12-October 06
|
ok guys. I will fess up. This involves me.
Hi Oxyandy.
I just got an IM from her and she understands, I think, that I cannot show up with her and she has two other friends to appear. I personally don't think they should even show up at all and this should be handled privately between her, the attorney and the judge and she should then relocate the hell out of where she is.
I did pull up my Myspace page and got the IM but I wasn't logged in at the time and she was like "Hunny? Hunny? are you there? Why aren't you talking to me?. duh.
By me not being there this makes me less of a target even though disliked by Mr. fruitcake himself.
I do agree with what you say Oxy. You hear about these things all the time in papers and on the news and it is tragic :-( I have good friends but my girlfriend is the one that has the shotty friends, especially one's who make the cell phone calls to start things up then they buddy-buddy-up with her like nothing ever happened. One of them called her just the other day and offered to get her a dress and to see if she was safe; same day coincidentally after some bad stuff happened that day which is why the restraining order and the visit to the police station occurred in the first place. I told her "don't fall for it" I believed that she would had been ambushed in some way.
Boy I'll tell you: for someone who may be slightly boring and think he does boring things with his time I sure do get into really awkward positions without much effort on my part. Wrong place, wrong time and wrong people. I think I'm cursed.
I did get to play with virtualdub through all of the chaos and that actually made me feel a little better even though I had to work with some cruddy footage from an older model Aiptek cam, doing some video did help out. |
|
| Oxyandy |
| Posted: Apr 7 2010, 01:33 AM |
|
|
Advanced Member
Group: Members
Posts: 106
Member No.: 27131
Joined: 2-March 10
|
restraining orders do not make anyone 'safe' either...
they just provide police with a list of suspects, lol
they are simply not worth having.........
Q. "What is the fastest way to 'get rid' of a best friend ?"
A. "Loan them money !!!"
 |
|
| rjisinspired |
| Posted: Apr 15 2010, 09:53 AM |
|
|
Advanced Member
Group: Members
Posts: 1256
Member No.: 20008
Joined: 12-October 06
|
Wish me luck. In another hour I will be picked up then my girlfriend and witnesses and then off to the court to get the restraining order.
We will be with good people this morning.
Now that I'm doing this I will be putting myself in possible jeopardy but I feel it is the right thing to do and I am standing besides my girlfriend. One witness bailed out the other day for fear of her life. I don't know if anyone is into things such as praying and all but if so keep me, my girlfriend and everyone in your prayers if you could. This is going to be a rough ride.
Seeing my old school friend a couple of days ago and seeing his power to fight against a brain stem stroke inspired me to, as his slogan goes: "Fight the good fight". It's time for me to stop being fearful, stop being angry, and fight the good fight.
I did get to shoot some video of my friend. I'll post a clip when I get finished with it. He is truly a fighter. |
|
| rjisinspired |
| Posted: Apr 21 2010, 06:25 PM |
|
|
Advanced Member
Group: Members
Posts: 1256
Member No.: 20008
Joined: 12-October 06
|
Well, to make it brief: The restraining order made things much worse and it appears this ex-boyfriend is more violent now. The cops are on wait in case anything happens. He didn't show up at the hearing anyway.
For the time being my girlfriend and I are apart for our own safety. We both get followed around by the ex's friends if I am in my downtown area and she is in her downtown area and the ex now carries a knife with him and still threatens people publicly.
My girlfriend came with a lot of baggage tied to her. Boy I didn't expect anything like this.
I wish my life was like it was before: "Boring" Right now it is only a little boring. I use to complain about being single and of my life being very boring but when I look back at it, it wasn't all that bad really. I went along my boring ways doing some things which were boring while others times doing things that were not as boring as I thought they were at that time. At times I think that the single life maybe was for the better.
Right now I have been staying inside and instead go outside in the very early mornings to the local college and sit by a waterfall and contemplate and think of a future where I can have a much saner life someday. I bring my camera and voice recorder everywhere I go and this helps with the sanity some. Been working on making sound samples of waterfalls and rain while making videos along the way just to have something to do.
When my friends aren't available the computer becomes my friend.
I think I'll take a nap now.
|
|
| Oxyandy |
| Posted: Apr 22 2010, 12:34 AM |
|
|
Advanced Member
Group: Members
Posts: 106
Member No.: 27131
Joined: 2-March 10
|
| QUOTE | | The cops are on wait in case anything happens. |
"on wait" means they are doing nothing..........
| QUOTE | restraining orders do not make anyone 'safe' either...
they just provide police with a list of suspects, lol
they are simply not worth having......... |
|
|
| rjisinspired |
| Posted: Apr 22 2010, 05:21 AM |
|
|
Advanced Member
Group: Members
Posts: 1256
Member No.: 20008
Joined: 12-October 06
|
Yeah this is the way I am seeing it too.
When I was little, one of my ideas for "when I grew up" was to be a cop but as I grew up I didn't like what I saw in how things were/are handled.
If Charles bronson were alive today I wonder what he would say. |
|
| rjisinspired |
| Posted: Apr 22 2010, 08:13 AM |
|
|
Advanced Member
Group: Members
Posts: 1256
Member No.: 20008
Joined: 12-October 06
|
Update:
As of tomorrow morning an arrested warrant will be issued against the ex. He apparently walked up to my girlfriend's sister's boyfriend and started talking to him Though her sister and boyfriend are not married he is technically still family because they have a kid together so legally it looks like it counts because he now has a warrant.
This could go both ways however. It is now up to the judge as to what happens. I hope the judge makes the right decision because if he doesn't I believe the ex may just go after my girlfriend and I hope that doesn't happen because then I will get involved.
Wish us luck and if your religious, keep us in your prayers. |
|
| Oxyandy |
| Posted: Apr 22 2010, 09:18 AM |
|
|
Advanced Member
Group: Members
Posts: 106
Member No.: 27131
Joined: 2-March 10
|
Oh come on,
I ask you,
what do you think the possible outcomes are from this ?
A warrant has been issued..
Big deal..
Now.. what 'really' is this warrant going to do ??
Lock him up forever and throw away the key ?
Give him a stern talking too, as a warning ?
What, what ??
If he is into 'stalking' friends and family, then this 'nut case'
eats, sleeps and breathes his now 'ex-gf'
After his 'warning' nothing much will change in his head,
Only his 'Modus operandi' will
Welcome to what I call stage 2 stalking
 |
|
| rjisinspired |
| Posted: Apr 22 2010, 10:42 AM |
|
|
Advanced Member
Group: Members
Posts: 1256
Member No.: 20008
Joined: 12-October 06
|
At least he would be picked up. Since this a violation of a restraining order he could automatically go to jail and possibly be fined but that is up to a judge to decide and I hope the right decision is made.
The warrant is for an arrest that will be made this morning. By law this means jail but then again it is up to the judge, again. It won't keep him locked away forever but it would for a while at least. If things get worse then my girlfriend can go for a permanent restraining order and if that is violated then he could be put away for a massively long time.
I would prefer the legal route, though I may not agree with it entirely, it is buying some time. The problem with laws are that the perps have most of the rights while someone who is defending themselves or others, or is defenseless, don't have the rights. This gives one no choice but to hope that nothing happens.
I'm trying to be hopeful about the situation is what I'm trying to get at.
|
|
